I KNOW, I KNOW.  Cry, plead and then receive a promise from God and decide to “play like” I didn’t.  One thing about that scenario…I could not deny knowing God has spoken.

The fear came from the reality!  When I received God’s promise, there was no doubt in my heart or mind that I was going to receive God’s touch and this horrendous illness was going to end, but what if?

I don’t remember how long I waited to tell Jerry, but I think it was about a 4 month period.  I was not sure how he was going to respond to this news especially as we continued to fight the illness on a daily basis.  I finally called him one morning at work and told him I needed to tell him something.  I smile now thinking of my precious husband’s response…the same response I receive, even now, as I tell him I must talk to him.  Calmly, quietly, he said, “OK.”  I shared with Jerry all that happened that special morning and he said, “OK.”

Calm, cool, sure, and certain that I assuredly knew I had received my promise.  This remained our precious, sacred promise for a long time!  It’s hard to explain, but there is something so holy about knowing you have been in God’s presence!  The reverence of His presence and the fear of the Lord are very real.  What is also real is knowing in your heart, yet living a very different reality.

By the spring of 1991, I had decided to seek a new doctor because I truly felt that all my doctors at The Diagnostic Clinic had reached the end of their knowledge with no diagnosis, just medicine.  A friend of mine’s mother was very ill with an auto-immune disease and was seeing a rheumatologist in Houston.  She recommended him and I did the research and made an appointment.  I immediately felt I was in the right place.  We start all over again trying to explain the mystery and fighting the fight of extreme hopelessness.  Immediately, the doctor is scheduling spinal taps and blood work without taking me off steroid treatment because he did not want me to have a flare-up.  Back and forth to Houston, wondering still what in the world was going on and remembering God’s promise to me.

I began to hear the words “auto-immune disease” and realized they were suspecting systemic lupus as my diagnosis.  The blood work for me was apparently causing much alarm.  Red blood cells dying, white blood cells out of control…truly I really don’t remember much during this time, but next on the table for me was bone marrow testing.

Although this test is over as soon as it is over, the process is not a fun one!  I kept thinking of my bible study teacher who lay with her child during this test and knew I had the strength to go through this.

I was finally told that they would not consider taking me off of my medications, prednisone and imuran at the time.  Imuran is an immune system drug to almost try to shut down the immune system because basically my immune system was attacking me.

This was all going on medically and life at home was difficult.  I again was pleading with God because even with the promise of healing, the day-to-day battles were large.  I made the mistake of trying to figure out the future…the internal questions kept coming…

How bad is this going to get before I get well?…

How long before I get well?…

Will I have problems that won’t go away?…

I remember one day standing at the kitchen sink and crying out to God and clearly hearing His voice.  His instructions to me were…”Give Me this day!”…  I thought, “I can do that”.

I bring this up because I knew God was trying to teach me a life lesson!  We, to this day, try to now live our lives this way!

I was being told I would never be well but I was never unsure of God’s promise to me.  What a battle to fight in the mind!

Life at home was changing much and the healing of two hearts was very evident.  The man I had married was proving his commitment to me day by day and my heart had been through a total transplant.  I began to realize my husband was the greatest gift I could have in my life.  I realized he was dependable, strong, stable, and willing to change many things in his own life in order to take care of Lyndsey and me.  I knew his love for us was real and everlasting.  I will never be able to express how much this affected me.  He was my rock. 

I was finally put on plaquenil and my dosage of steroids was down.  My body began to look more normal and I truly began to see some light.  My largest challenge now was fighting the mental battles.  The doctor says, “Incurable,” and God says, “It is time to show favor to her…the appointed time has come.”



5 Responses to ““THE STORY OF A MIRACLE – PART 7””

  1. Debbie Black Says:

    I am sooo intrigued with this story….it is soooo beautiful how God gently reminds us our ways are not His ways and the love story is beautiful. Tears fall everytime I read these….what a testimony!!!!

  2. Sandi Says:

    You better hurry up and don’t make us wait. I have seen the “movie” by watching so much of it and then having to move before the end!! I want to hear the rest!! Hurry Pam, I am SO excited!!!!

  3. Sharon Mangum Says:

    Pam I knew you were very sick but I truly never knew about how difficult your illness was for all of you. I have felt so touched with every part of your miracle story and the testimony you have shared. My heart has been blessed to read how God has taken your hand and helped you with every day good or bad. I share Sandi’s comment that you must let us hear the rest very soon. And Debbie said it best “the love story is beautiful”.

    Please tell Jerry “THANKS” for sending the blog to me.

    Love you

  4. Susan Wilson Says:

    Beautiful and amazing…your journey…you…and our God…thanks for sharing it all.

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