Readers: Thank you for holding on and continuing to press toward the final chapter of this story.  We all know it has a blessed ending but I have felt it was important to allow you to know the  desperation of the lives we were living, and furthermore, rejoice and find hope if you are walking a desperate journey now.

I have repeated a number of times I knew people were becoming concerned and I knew people were praying.

Sometimes in the early spring (1989) I was invited to a ladies bible study being held in a friend’s home.  The lady teaching this study was an acquaintance of mine but I did not know her well.  What I did know was part of her “story.”  She had a daughter that at the age of 7 lost her battle with leukemia.  I believe she was 3 when she got ill.  I decided to say yes to the bible study and started going weekly.  I remember feeling somewhat timid (not my nature) and also not sure what I was getting myself into.  I was trying to keep it all together as I am a somewhat private person.  I was becoming increasingly self-conscious of my appearance and really did not want to be out in the public eye.  I sure did not want to talk about my feelings, my pain, my fears, and probably not my relationship with God!  Yet, week after week I kept going back.

This teacher was amazing!  She was real.  She was open and honest, and she had certainly walked a path none of us ever want to be asked to walk…losing a child.  She talked of trying to help a 4-year-old understand that in taking the “poison” of chemo, she might get well.  She talked of lying on the floor in the hospital while her child screamed during bone marrow testing.  She talked of knowing when God allowed her to know her child was not going to live, and I saw nothing but a peace that truly passed all understanding.  She talked of choosing an outfit for her child to wear in a casket and she talked of the day her child left her physical body and flew into the arms of her precious Lord and I saw nothing but love for her Lord.  I was affected!

Just as I told you I began to be affected by my husband’s strength and love, I can assure you I was being affected by this woman’s passion for her Savior, Redeemer, and Friend.

She talked of hearing God.  She talked of her quiet time early in the morning and how that became her life-line.  She talked of spending time reading God’s word and getting answers through His word.

I had never heard such a testimony and I had never lived this way.

I am told by this lady she did not know what was going through my mind because I never spoke at this bible study.  I do remember tears falling as I tried to write notes and I do remember making a decision that maybe I would get up early or at least sometime during the day try to read my bible and sit quietly and pray.  I was certainly feeling desperate enough!

I was beginning to be afraid of my future and I was feeling more and more like this was not going away.  When I go to the doctors and they are beginning to throw their hands up because they have no idea what is going on, I began to question the deeper issues of my life.  I began to consider that I may not get well and get on with the life I had planned out.

Week by week back to the bible study I went, feeling drawn by something I did not even understand.

One of the great pleasures this lady leading bible study was that she was very familiar with prednisone and the ‘crazies” that go hand in hand with it.  I felt very comfortable in her presence and I felt like she totally got what I was going through.

I did begin my journey of arising and sitting with my bible on my lap ready to see what God had to say to me and ready to tell Him my concerns and fears.  I remember feeling a bit funny and awkward but desperation and God seemed to go hand in hand for me now.  I was also beginning to feel tremendous isolation because of illness keeping me in bed and then not wanting to be out around people.

When I was out anywhere, people would either not recognize me or they would look so terrified and concerned.  I felt safe with my bible study group and began to feel safe with God too.  I think I may have even begun looking forward to my time with Him.

I was back in the hospital in the summer of 1989 and began to have many other problems.  I always said I was thankful for the blotches on my skin because otherwise, I would have felt I may be going crazy.  This physical manifestation was the only visible sign of illness.  Every other symptom was internal but the doctors were assuring me that what was going outside my body was most likely going on internally also.  Thus began spinal taps because I had been on large doses of prednisone.  Prednisone can mask many problems and alter blood work results I was told.  Onward we went to the best of our abilities. I began to suffer tremendous pain and at times could hardly walk.  I went through a period of about 6 months when I had to sleep in the chair because I could not lay in the bed.  I felt as if I was being crushed by water.  That is the “Pam definition.”

One morning while sitting during my quiet time, I was reading a Psalm and it read:  “…for it is time to show favor to her, the appointed time has come.”  This was on September 24.  I knew without a doubt I had just received a promise from God and I was scared to death.  I closed my bible and said nothing to anyone….



2 Responses to ““THE STORY OF A MIRACLE – PART 6””

  1. Debbie Black Says:

    A beautiful chapter once again!!!!!

  2. Sandi Says:

    Oh Pam, I remember when you told me about this. I was scared and deliriously happy too!! I was also attending this bible study with you and only went because you invited me. It was indeed a blessing to watch your witness during this time.! I love you, my friend!

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